Relationships are like bank accounts (The art of reciprocity)

I was having a nice quiet Sunday morning with my partner recently. Sitting down for a hearty home cooked breakfast, we began philosophising.

Eventually we stumbled onto the concept of relationships, longevity and what is required to make things last.

It reminded me of a concept I heard about a few years back.

Circa from Indepreneur referred to fans as 'banks'. First you make a bunch of deposits (ie. free download, some shows, a music video) and then you ask for a follow or a sign up.

You give, give, give before you ask

In doing so you actively build a feeling of reciprocity with your fans.

Some people are really good at giving and never asking, others are great at taking and never giving.

The balance is tricky to master.

Highly publicised marketing genius Gary Vaynerchuk might've referred to it as jab, jab, jab, right hook (the title of his 2013 best selling book discussing the idea of customer acquisition).

A terrible metaphor as any responsible fighter would not fall victim to such a dry setup.

More appropriate would be:

1. Jab body hard to earn respect
2. Jab head light to establish high guard
3. Jab body light to distract guard
4. Simultaneous overhand right to beat the distracted guard

I digress.

The point I am trying to make is that relationships are like bank accounts.

The goal is to make more deposits than withdrawals.

If you do that often enough for long enough, you end up with a big blossoming bounty that compounds into the stratosphere.

The goal is to deposit more than you withdraw.

And then, but only then, should you start asking for things in return.

Good, strong, healthy relationships with foundations that can withstand any adversity are built like this.

Think about the people you love most, or your family for example.

Think about that one person that is always there.

Now imagine if they asked for something, something big. Imagine they were in dire need and asked for something that would potentially stretch you to your limits.

The ask doesn't feel as big because you have the transactions all tallied up in your head.

"After some quick math, we feel that it is appropriate and responsible to approve this loan."

I'm not saying that relationships are transactional.

But they are.

Kind of.

Now cast your imagination to someone in your life you have discarded, someone who took but never gave. They asked for help and you obliged, but then when you were down they were nowhere to be seen.

How often do you lend to them before the credit risk becomes too much?

My assumption is not so much.

I'm such a huge believer in giving uncomfortably to people I care about; fans, family, friends etc. Because I know how much value that creates and how much it can strengthen the bond.

It's the art of reciprocity.

There is a selfishness is selflessness.

In giving, we receive.

I'll leave you with one final small but not so insignificant example...

I moved into an apartment in December last year. The apartment came with a car space and a storage cage.

That is a rare commodity in inner-city Melbourne.

Not only is it rare and exceptionally valuable, the fact is made even more fascinating because I do not own a car. After a few weeks I noticed people posting up on the apartment notice board that they were looking to rent car space.

$70 for a week.

$300 for a single month.

$250 for ongoing monthly hire.

The idea (encouraged by my partner) spawned, that I could make some side cash by hiring out this spot.

I started responding to a few of the listings.

One girl ended up hiring my spot for 4 days, I was paid something around the $40 mark—a nice little reward.

Then around the Christmas break I noticed someone desperate to find space for a relative that was visiting. I reached out and offered my spot to hire.

They offered to pay and asked me "how much I was thinking."

I replied...

After considering, I realised that the money won't really change my life, but encouraging this stranger to pay it forward in some way might just make the world a slightly better place.

I decided to invest into this person/relationship.

By doing so I am banking (pun intended) on him doing the same for someone in his life.

Adding to a world devoid of connection and gratitude.

Aka the art of reciprocity.

I'm not sure I'll ever get to withdraw from that bank, but that's not the point. If you see yourself as eternally abundant (which I am), you know it will come back... somehow, some way.

So, deposit consistently, withdraw sporadically and watch your investments soar.

Thanks for reading.

With gratitude,

Sav.

If you like my content and want more, there's 2 ways to go deeper:

1. ​Lil Gratitude Journal: My gratitude journal has been carefully designed for the busy modern-day creative/entrepreneur. It's efficient, effective and affordable (and makes for a great gift).
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