Earning confidence and rebuilding your self-worth (with these 4 steps)
Man do I love the sauna!
I hit that every night! Straight from work to the gym and then home for a 20-30 minute sauna.
There is not a more relaxing and revitalising way to finish the day.
Last night in my wind down sauna sesh I ran into a buddy of mine and we had our usual sauna bro-down. He shared a recent experience that had him feeling a little low.
Standing in a room full of "rich people" brought out his wounded inner child and into question his self-worth.
His confidence took a hit.
Although he had used journaling to mostly work through it, he was still keen to unpack it further, allowing me to add a little more perspective and talk through his observations with him.
I had been in his shoes many, many times.
My self-worth was so low for so long that I didn't know if down was up or up was down. As a result, I acted out and hurt myself and the people around me for many years.
Some were innocent.
Some of them did wrong by me, too.
Some were acting out the same patterns as I.
It's a dangerous spiral you enter when blame starts getting asserted, and generally that spiral goes in one direction only... down.
Regardless of the who/what/where/when/how bullshit, I had a job to do—it was on me to make sure it got done.
So I got to work.
At 36, I now feel like the man I have always wanted to be.
Not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but content with who I am and how I show up in the world.
Here are 4 steps to healing the inner child and raising your self-worth:
1. Stack Proof
This one may be a little chicken or egg scenario, but roll with me.
In the words of Alex Hormozi...
I always believed I was a certain type of person, but naturally that person I thought I was did not stack up with the man I showed up as in day-to-day interactions.
I did not have enough proof to believe my own thesis.
Throughout 2020-2023 I found ways to not only find my limitations, but push through them and in turn stack the proof I required.
I had to learn to trust myself.
This took time and many (many MANY) variations and forms over a long period of time—but it is absolutely necessary.
After you do this, the rest becomes a walk in the park because you can act from a place of confidence now. Not fake or inflated confidence, but genuine confidence that you can count on you when the chips are down.
2. Befriend The Inner Critic
We are typically our own biggest critics.
"Why did you do that?"
"You're not good enough!"
"How can you be so stupid?!"
Our brains are wild place for us to inhabit and for the most part they are hostile environments.
If you wish to grow, you need to learn real and genuine self-love.
Because here is the thing...
You're always, ALWAYS, going to fuck up... the least you can do is be kind to yourself while you do. Do whatever you have to do to befriend the inner critic, they are only trying to help you.
I personally used hypnotherapy, medication and counselling.
But you do whatever you have to do.
(Ps. Let me know if you want any advice, feedback, guidance or tips around this one).
3. Take Extreme Ownership
Everything is your fault.
Let me repeat...
EVERYTHING... IS... YOUR... FAULT!
Ok not everything, that is clearly an exaggeration, but I like to think like this as a starting place. If I make a genuine effort to take control over my destiny, then I am less likely to be disappointed.
Of course, people will let me down and hurt me and attempt to derail my mental health.
But if I take ownership for everything negative that happens to me, then I also give myself permission to do something about it—this is called extreme ownership.
The opposite of this is victim mentality.
I would gladly accept all of life's toughest tests with the sturdiness of a man who is ready to take control, over all of the worlds riches with the mind of a man who feels like he has none.
4. Practice Radical Empathy
Similar to extreme ownership, this one requires a lot of courage.
For this one I think it is important to look at Hanlon's razor...
"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."
Essentially, unless you have outstanding proof that someone is acting maliciously, assume stupidity or incompetence. It saves you lots of time, energy and probably money.
The quickest route to this = radical empathy.
It's hard to do, don't get me wrong, but in the heat of battle or a misunderstanding try to remind yourself... "they're trying their best".
The same goes when addressing yourself.
"I got it wrong today, but I am trying my best"—as long as that is true of course.
Like stacking proof, befriending the inner critic and extreme ownership, practicing radical empathy is about tapping into the person in control... you!
Earn your day.
Earn your thoughts.
Earn your mind and reactions.
Earn who you let in and who you keep out.
Earn your future and everything that comes with it.
With gratitude,
Sav.
If you like my content and want more, there's 2 ways to go deeper:
- Lil Gratitude Journal: My gratitude journal has been carefully designed for the busy modern-day creative/entrepreneur. It's efficient, effective and affordable (and makes for a great gift).
- My podcast: All of my ideas and thoughts are usually turned into visual treats as well. Check out the full playlist of The Sav Show if you're more of a visual person and consider subscribing.
